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Shadows and Sun

Discussion in 'Fanfiction' started by frenchfan, Dec 27, 2011.

  1. frenchfan

    frenchfan mornings best dealt with dark as nite coffee.

    haan! BEAST !!! :yell:
    THE MEANEST BEASTEST (I know this word doesn't exist :drama: ) ON EARTH !!! :rant:
  2. Hope

    Hope Well-Known Member

    this was ammmazing!!!!!!my heart was burning hot while reading it...i'm glad the inspiration finally found you:yo:thank you for this update :hug:
    frenchfan says thanks.
  3. raksha anantharam

    raksha anantharam Well-Known Member

  4. raksha anantharam

    raksha anantharam Well-Known Member

  5. Ella

    Ella Haan farishtey hote hain ♥

    Well i bet you feel great in the meanest company :evil: :becky:
  6. mira_khan

    mira_khan Khan addicted!

    GOD Anne.... I loved all the story (in fact since chapter 13) but this passage... realy makes me cry... really wondeful

    "Je reconnais bien là, la touche de la romance occidentale ... juste comme un beau roman qui peut me tenir éveillé toute la nuit pour le lire... bravo!"

    So... back to the story now, i love Sahir, can imagine him in every scene... i love sonia too, very sad for her
    frenchfan says thanks.
  7. mira_khan

    mira_khan Khan addicted!

    again... tears again, i feal very youthful tonight haan... he brak my heart with his pain and reaaly sublime words to describe all this, i'm shying now... :embarassed:

    ... back to the story :)
    frenchfan says thanks.
  8. frenchfan

    frenchfan mornings best dealt with dark as nite coffee.

    AW ... Thank you so much Mira :hug: I feel honoured that you read and like my words...And proud about the tears :D

    I'm sorry everyone, I know I should update faster, but It really takes me time to think then to write, some different ideas are in my mind for each chapter, and I feel difficult to chose ( actually, I could have written 4 different versions til now :doh: ) ... I want it to be worth your reading :grouphug:
    mira_khan says thanks.
  9. frenchfan

    frenchfan mornings best dealt with dark as nite coffee.

    Oh sorry I forgot to reply :hug:
    I'm totally proud that you're touched by the chapter! it's really important to me... I'm thinking on next step and will try to add it next week
  10. mira_khan

    mira_khan Khan addicted!

    Take your time, i know the problem... and how much it's difficult to put our ideas i words just like how it's in our mind... "doucement mais surement"... i'll wait for update :) :hug:
    frenchfan says thanks.
  11. frenchfan

    frenchfan mornings best dealt with dark as nite coffee.

    chapter 17

    Mmmmm .... coffee... .... I yawned.... and.... Cigarette! "SAHIR! you can't smoke inside the house early morning!"

    I opened my eyes... and realised the situation. Yes. I was in our bed, in our room and in our house... and Sahir was apparently making the breakfast ready.

    But Sahir was my EX-husband...

    Shit! did I really shout at him loudly?

    I quickly dressed up.... I swear that tomorrow I'll cut this stupid awful sweatshirt into pieces! .... thinking how quick are the old reflexes to come back... But I confusely felt that I had to be careful, somehow.... Sahir and me ...yay! Sahir and me are back ! ... Sahir and me were about to start a new life together... well, that's what I hoped... But Sahir was hurt, badly and deeply hurt... More mentally than physically, indeed.... And actually I had no idea of what he was planning about us now....

    So my mouth was dry and I swallowed hardly when I entered the kitchen.

    I stood at the door, amazed by the way Sahir was doing anything... He had crushed down his ciggie by the way... I might sound naive, but watching him pouring coffee as a blind man atonished me... With my eyes stuck on him I realised how difficult a simple gesture could be... and how tough the past months must have been for him... Damn! He had to learn everything again, as a child who would start walking... And he had to do that alone!

    I was stupidly watching at his fingers moving on a plate to put some toasts, then coming back to the coffee pot to pour another mug, adding some sugar, with his index lying on the top of the cup, almost touching the black liquid, feeling it to avoid dopping it... I was like hypnotized by his moving fingers...

    I couldn't help but bit my lips, remembering last night....
    His hands on my body... It was... magic! However, we've made love with a sort of fury... As if each of us needed to make the other FEEL how deep was the pain... how strong was the rage.... how hard had been life in loneliness... By bringing back the movements and gestures of love, we had shown our injuries... and the way to heal them.... By moaning again the words of love, we had said also the sorrow, the anger, the fear... and the forgiveness...

    I shook my head, feeling tears coming to my eyes.... Sahir was giving me his back...still busy with some eggs... I stared at his wet hair coming on his neck, at his muscular shoulders which could be seen under is white inner t-shirt... I blinked several times, smelling that the eggs were burning... I stepped into the kitchen, ready to help him, already opening my mouth to shout... What did you think, idiot? that you could keep me away from your life?

    " I JUST CAN'T!!!"

    Sahir's angry voice cut me.... I froze... I hadn't even figured out that he knew I was here... He sighed... Still giving me his back, bending down his head above the burnt eggs.... Nodding as no....

    "I should be throwing you out from the house!.... " What the F...?

    He continued slowly with a bitter laughter in his tune... "I should be telling you some lies... that it was just a one-night shot... In memories of the past... that it changes nothing... we are divorced and it's good like that.... I should be hurting you with stabbing words so that you'd leave and never think of coming back...."

    "Sahir... what the hell are you tel...?"

    Suddenly he faced me and I could see his dimpled smile... even if it was a sad one...

    "But I just can't!"

    I swallowed and waited... not knowing where he was going...I noticed he was wearing shadows to hide his dead eyes...

    "I just can't do it again, Sunnie" I closed my eyes to feel the salty drops under my eyelids....He called me Sunnie again....

    "It was too hard last time I did... I can't do it again... I know I don't deserve you... " His voice almost broke on this... ."But I need you by my side.... I love you"

    I didn't think twice and ran into his arms that he had opened...

    He kissed my hair and repeated the words which I didn't believe I would hear again, which he had not said yet, even in the sweetest moments of our night... and it sounded like the nicest music I'd ever heard :

    "I love you, Sonia"

    I raised my head to his.... I gave him a sincere smile and I knew that he saw it somehow: he touched my lips with his fingers, as if he was recognizing me after all this time... I swallowed the tears of relief and I stepped back to free myself from his hug....I raised my hands to take off his sunglasses, which I dropped on the table... I caressed his face, following again the long scar on his forehead, like I did yesterday... He had his eyelids shut... I kissed them both... He blinked several times and I could see that his eyes were shining with tears which were threatening to fall... I cupped his face into my palms and spoke firmly :

    "Listen to me, you idiot... I love you no matter what.... I won't pretend that I know what you feel... You're blind and I will have to .... get used to it... But it changes nothing to my feelings for you!... Do you hear me?... No matter how hard you can try, you won't manage to get rid of me from now!"

    He had a brief laughter and let a single tear rolling down his cheek... He took my hands in his...and kissed my palms slowly...

    "Even if I feed you with burnt eggs?"

    "Oh! My God!"

    We burst out into laughters and I abandonned myself to his hug.... and with the way his hands tighted me, I could feel how deseperate he had been... I listened to his heartbeat for a while and slowly the thunder calmed down... As if all his body was relieved... freed from the terrible burden he had worn alone...
    Dea, Yeh Dil and mira_khan thank this.
  12. mira_khan

    mira_khan Khan addicted!

    hum... is it just me or these description means more than their feelings? :p

    amazing Anne didi, really happy to read you again and pfff... tears again imagining blind Sahir prepare breakfast ... :)
    hurry with more...
    frenchfan says thanks.
  13. Yeh Dil

    Yeh Dil He is my live

    :dance: glad to see you back ..... awesome story :love: .... love your description :D ... beautiful moments ..... want more:madgrin::hug:
    frenchfan says thanks.
  14. frenchfan

    frenchfan mornings best dealt with dark as nite coffee.

    Thanks for reading.... the lines and between the lines....:oops::oops:
    Sorry for the tears, I didn't mean it sad.. but yes, I'm getting emotional with Sahir too :love:
    Hurry? me? I wish I could :madgrin:
    mira_khan says thanks.
  15. frenchfan

    frenchfan mornings best dealt with dark as nite coffee.

    aw... thanks for reading.:hug: ... and for loving... doing my best!.... glad that you enjoy... More will come... :D ::kiss:
    Yeh Dil says thanks.
  16. mira_khan

    mira_khan Khan addicted!

    between lines yes... :censored: :p
    and yes, emotional tears too, i can imagine him touching everything to be sure... :faint:
    frenchfan says thanks.
  17. raksha anantharam

    raksha anantharam Well-Known Member

    Where are you Anne ?? You promised that u'll not leave this story unfinished...
  18. frenchfan

    frenchfan mornings best dealt with dark as nite coffee.

    I'll keep my promise, as soon as I have recovered, and when I can get free time enough.
    raksha anantharam says thanks.
  19. Sabrina Koster

    Sabrina Koster Active Member

  20. frenchfan

    frenchfan mornings best dealt with dark as nite coffee.

    Hey everyone :grouphug: I know it took like forever to keep my promise... And that most of my formers readers are not quite active nowadays but... I've felt ideas striking back my mind... so I'll post one more chapter and wait for any feedback... Please try to be comprehensive as it's been months since I'm not practicing english :behindsofa:
    Please read back the whole story and tell me if it's worth continuing... :D

    Chapter 18

    "Sahir ! C'mon, yaar, why didn't you wake m...." Shit !

    After 6 months of our new start in life, I was still in awe each time I would break into the den which he would call an atelier. I stopped at the door of the studio and held my breath, hoping Sahir had not heard me...

    Gosh!... Is it hot here inside ? I could feel my cheeks becoming red already....

    Well, it took me 4 weeks or so to make Sahir allow me in, but he was still uncomfort while he was busy working.... And it was worth the wait, I may say!
    Now my mouth seemed to be dry and I felt it difficult to swallow.... although I was litterally ogling...

    My former ex-husband... We need new vocabulary.... How do you call divorced lovebirds ?
    Sahir was beautifully busy sculpting a lump of clay... So stunning that it should be illegal ! His face was so tense, focusing on the idea he was trying to give a form to. He was blind, sure, but he'd say he would have clearly a view in is mind about what he wanted to sculpt. And with his frowned brows, his crushed teeth behinf the locked lips... although his eyes didn't show light like before, from the intensity of the brown colour under the long eyelashes, you could definitely tell that he was looking at something... well, FOR something, better say. I wished I could manage to help him finding it....

    Seeing the line of his dimples so harshly deep from the mixed of concentration and anger he would always shown when he sculpted made my heart melting..... I know I can't help him... He had told me already that he was fighting in the dark and he had to win this battle alone... Somehow I disagreed with him... I can't deny how tough his handicap is, how hard it must be for an artist like Sahir not to be able anymore to see anything beautiful around him.... But I'm convinced that most of the shadows are inside him. ... The fear, the lack of hope, the anger, the shame, the guilt.... These are his intimate enemies which keep Sahir far from the light of hapiness.... And these he refuses to fight...

    I shook my head to free my thoughts out of the sorrow ... And I pressed my grip on Sahir's black shirt which I had quickly put on when I got up few minutes ago... I let his scent invading my mind... I closed my eyes and savoured it... but I opened them back as quickly... hit by the truth...

    This is exactly what I've been doing for the last 6 months : letting my senses take over our relationship....I had been doing my best not to think but to feel.... Maybe it's the only way I can come close to something tasting like happiness...

    Fighting against the fear of never being able to reach it, I blinked and desesperately focused on the handsome broken man in front of me... He looked much healthier now. He had gained a little more weight and was back to his normal body... Hell ! that word 'normal' is so far from anything real when it comes to Sahir...uffu... He had kept the stubbles and I was happy with that french beard he was used to wear nowadays... Dirty is so sexy on him...
    The way his shoulders were moving under his deep red shirt, which 3 buttons open allowed me a good catch on his bare chest.... The way his strong arms out of the rolled sleeves were going back and forth towards the wet clay on the sculpting table... The way his fingers were tapping of caressing it... The way his hands were holding it in a steal grip or pressing it with a sort of hunger...or slowly hugging it... Holy shit ! My whole body is craving for his hands...There were so much sensuality in each of his gesture that I had to hold my breath... Control, Sonia !

    I closed my eyes again and went back to a recent memory.... Three weeks ago, we had an argument about my inablity of imagining what he was enduring, which ate me from inside. I shouted at him because I couldn't stand the way he was trying to protect me from sharing his sorrow.... And I told him how much I wished I could realise what he felt being a blind man so that I could manage to help him.... He was so angry that he scared me first, yelling that he wished I would never have to feel any similar burden... But... as usual... our discussion ended in our bed..... And this was the only way I could managed... Gosh ! how good it was! To my demand, Sahir blinded my eyes with a tie and then he made love to me with a kind of fury....then with so much tenderness....I bit my lips now remembering how strong and soft were the feelings all over my body... and how proud Sahir looked. How deep and sincere was his smile.... For this unique time we had managed to find something positive in all this shit ! And he knew that the tears he kissed on my cheeks weren't from pain but from joy... He knew already their price since the tears I shed would become very rare...

    Yeah ! That's how we function now... Our relationship couldn't ever be the same like before... Of course the Love was still here.... There was no doubt about it, from both parts. Sahir loved me deeply, wholeheartedly, more than his own life... And he had slowly accepted that I was true when I said that my love for him never left my heart... even during the worst moments of our story.
    But... Things had changed... and both... we were unable to be the old same ourselves... I was not the immature young wife I used to be... I'was more an adult woman...I'd learnt to live on my own in the most awful way anyone could receive this life lesson. Plus... I'd lost a baby... and even if it was just the beginning of a life, even if I could not have time enough to feel anything from the lil one before he or she left....I felt that the baby took away any hope of happiness by leaving me, a mother with no child... There was something dead inside me, and when Doctor Sherma told me that I would probably be unable to carry a pregnancy, I knew it already....
    I was trying my best to enjoy what was my life now, but I was unable to completely give up to positivity like before....

    And Sahir doesn't help ! He would try his best to hide his feelings but I knew he was like living a nightmare... His anger would never leave him, though he would not let it out when I was near... He was angry at the whole world, and moreover, at himself. He couldn't help the guilt each time he would remember what he had done to our marriage, to our future... and what he thought he was guilty of having done to me....
    Despite all my attemps to comfort him, to assure him that I was fine... that I didn't give a damn to the past...that I had stepped on the loss... He felt ashamed and sorrowful... He couldn't hardly believe I was with him... in love with him... So he acted with a kind of devotion towards me, like I were a princess and he were a slave... Such a weirdoo ! I can't stand seeing him bending himself so down... He was so depressed ! ... But the more I tried to lift him up, the more he felt he didn't deserve to be with me again...

    There were no solution, no end...

    That's why we hardly spoke of the past, either of the future... We shared our lives, simply...In the present...
    And it was as if only our bodies had really caught up with each other... The passion we would show while making love was the only way we had found to know how important it was to keep on being together... how much we both needed being together...

    The smelling of smoke mixed with coffee woke me up from my trance and I made a note to myself to empty his shitty ashtray... the sooner the better..

    Sahir was taking a break with the sculpt process and took a sip of coffee. He was breathing hard... as if fighting against his demons again... His dirty hands were tightening the cup with strenght and I could tell he was aware I was here... His eyelashes were wet... There was a single tear treatening to fall but he made his best to hold it back...

    That's how it works...I come, idiot of me, and he, idiot, knows I'm here but we keep silent about it....I knew he didn't accept being watched at when he sculpts... Because when he's dedicated to his art, he stripped off the armour he would usually wear... And showed some weakness.... This was precisely the second motive of Sahir's anger : he had abandonned any pride of himself, he thought he was the worst man on earth... Yet he couldn't bear the pity !
    He would never give up to the shame of being unable to do things by himself... He would not accept any kind of help... Especially from people he loved...

    That macho man of mine ! I shrugged and sighed... I was about to leave the atelier in order to make our breakfast ready...

    But I jumped... From fear or from hope ? when I heard Sahir's soft and begging voice :

    "Sunnie... don't go away from me.... please..."
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2016
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